Wherein Fangirls Have Overrun Kurama’s House
by Karine Dragon'sheart
Summary: I couldn't resist. First Hiei, then Kuramasama. Flame me if you wish, since I'll probably offend someone...Rated for language and kinky content.


-1**KD: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Kurama: Why is she laughing in that really creepy way?'**

**Hiei: It's your turn to be put through hell.**

**K: O.o**

**H: Don't look at me like that, idiot.**

**K: B-b-b-but she'll do all manner of weird and horrifying things!**

**H: You could be trapped in an inescapable palace of lovesick fangirls.**

**KD: That's exactly what's about to happen.**

**K: Oh, no. No no no no. That is NOT going to happen to the King of Thieves!**

**KD: In my fanfic, dearest, anything goes.**

**H: YESSSS! Uh, I mean, hn.**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't freakin' own YYH! But when I'm rich and famous, I will rule the world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAACK! COUGH! WHEEZE! -asthma attack-**

**Wherein Fangirls Have Overrun Kurama's House (and duct tape him to a bar stool)**

"When's Koenma passing that anti-fan edict?"

"Here pretty soon. They're starting to swarm the gates to the Underworld."

"Jeez…Hiei, how're you handling the pains?"

"Boot 'em out of the way, threaten with the sword, take off some hair when they keep coming. Wait a minute. Don't tell me you try to _reason_ with them!"

"Um, wellll, maybe."

"Fox, you are an imbecile."

"But they're usually so sweet, and I just feel sorry for-"

"You moron. They're feeding off you!"

"But…"

"Look, just get home and lock the doors and windows. Maybe the mob'll let us be for at least one night. See ya later."

"See you." Kurama sighed as he watched the shorter demon spring away into the air. He turned back to face his house, and felt a bit of the weight he'd carried all day, his guilt for not being able to date all the weeping girls that practically fell across his feet, finally leave. His mother's favorite lamp was lit, a sure sign that he wouldn't have to do any more than slip through the door and greet her, then go to bed. He was looking forward to that. He unlocked the door and swiftly darted into the hall, shutting the door quickly and shooting the bolt home.

"Mom?" There was no answer, and as he passed into the living room, he saw why. A neatly written note lay on top of the cake plate his mother so rarely used nowadays, his name in the soft green ink she loved so. It read as follows:

My dear Shuichi,

We're out for the night. Please don't worry yourself on my behalf. Eat your supper, brush your teeth, remember to go to bed. I don't want you up half the night doing your homework. I love you, my son.

Your Mother

"Don't worry, Mom, I'll be to bed when you come home. Have yourself some fun." He murmured this, a smile softening the harsh lines his face had taken lately. Just as he had set his bag down, he felt another's presence. He had just barely turned when a soft, cloying scent filled his nostrils, and the King of Demon Thieves fell like a rag into the waiting arms of more fangirls than even Hiei had anticipated. And so, the Great Kitsune Kidnap barreled on….

"Uhhh…Where am I…" Kurama groaned as he tried to sit up. He found he already was. He tested his legs, hoping to at least stand. They couldn't move. He tried every thing he'd ever learned about manipulation and how to contort the body, and nothing worked. Nothing, until he started to tip over. He corrected himself, and realized something awful; he was fastened quite securely to a barstool, and from the sounds upstairs, the battered one in his basement. Then, as though the eerie prelude to this horror, the soft giggle of a young girl echoed down to where he lay.

"Oh, no. No no no no no. This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't hap-OW! Hey, watch where you're walking!" He yelped as the dark shape ran into him again. Whoever it was seemed not to care, as she then flicked on the brilliantly bright fluorescent lights. He groaned in pain, and felt a soft caress on his neck.

"Kurama-sama, you're rather tense." The voice was as gentle as velvet, yet there was steely resolve underneath it. He frowned at the variegated dots and splotches that marred his vision. "Oh, don't frown, dearest. It will wrinkle that gorgeous face of yours."

"I'd rather be wrinkled than in your clutches. How many times do you fangirls have to try before you finally cross the line?" That same voice laughed calmly, and Kurama's vision cleared finally, giving him the rather attractive sight of his most notorious fangirl. She sat next to his head, cross-legged and loosely dressed in jeans and a blouse, her handmade jewelry glistening at both throat and wrist. A definitely devious grin gleamed, then was replaced by a cynical smirk.

"Have I crossed the line?"

"Yes. Now let me go, and I won't hurt you."

"You wouldn't anyways, Kurama. For all that you're a demon, we little _ningen_ girls too precious for you to simply cut down." She did have a point there, and Kurama snarled a little.

"Let me go."

"No, Shuichi." He growled in impatience. She simply let the smirk drop and came close to his face, long brown hair rippling down her shoulders. "You, of all of them, are the main reason the Fangirls even got started. We consider you a god, now. And since we've been rather lacking in the area of entertainment, your appearance will do wonders."

"Oh, and growing plants from my palms is a wonder?" She giggled, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

"Oh, no no, Kurama-sama. We were simply thinking along the lines of a few…intimate things." He paled as she gently caught hold of his chin, and with a swiftness even he didn't anticipate, planted a warm kiss on his own unresisting lips. She backed off in time, though, because he had recovered quickly and tried to bite her lower lip. She wagged a finger in his face.

"Now behave. Do you want to scare your fans?"

"HELL YES!" He roared. She snorted, then snickered.

"Now, now, Kurama-sama, surely we aren't that frightening…" The whole house soon rocked with screams of pure triumph as Kurama's private hell began…

"Hiei?"

"Hn."

"Did you just hear that?"

"Hear what, idiot?"

"That kind of garbled scream…WHOA!" Koenma jumped as Kurama flung the door open, bolted in, slammed the door, then began to firmly bar said door with everything within reach. Hiei darted to the kitsune's side, and finding that his partner was hysterical, calmly slapped the fox-demon.

Kurama woke up, and his eyes, though still wild and wide open, held a touch of sanity now.

"H-Hiei?"

"What the hell happened to you!"

"F-Fangirls…"

"Shit." The kitsune slumped to the floor, staring at his hands. Peering closer, Hiei realized that his nails were painted a brilliant magenta. Duct tape hung from his wrists and his face was white under the foundation, blush, lipstick, eye shadow and mascara. Poor Kurama's hair was braided and pulled into an elegant coiffure, his clothing replaced by that of an ultra-gay (no offense to anyone who's homosexual) television host, with pink over coat, satin pink tie, salmon trousers and baby pink Converse. He was a horrific sight, and Hiei firmly swore to _never_ let such creatures touch him.

"They…they tried to turn me into a _girl_…"

"So we see. There's some spare robes of yours in the closet. Get the hell out of that shit, Fox." Kurama thankfully nodded and flew to said closet, then bolted up the stairs into the bathroom. Hiei and Koenma could hear the sounds of vigorous scrubbing and a few yelps, and Hiei sighed, rubbed his temple.

"Sorry about the Fangirls…I really need to do something about that…"

"Don't bother yourself. Kurama'll be fine later on tonight. This isn't the first time one of us has had spend a night away from home."

"Well, I'd better head. Maybe Dad'll let me push the bill through a little faster." Hiei just gave him a half-wave goodbye, and found himself alone at last. He sighed again, thinking that all his hard work had been undone in a few short hours. It'd take another couple of weeks before Kurama would even talk to a girl, short of his mother. He chuckled though when he thought of the unexpected prize; now he wouldn't need an excuse to bring Kurama over. Today had been hectic, now it looked like he had a busy night before him too…

**If you can't read the innuendo in that last sentence, you can't read anything. I'm looking at plenty of flames, I'm sure, but hell, I couldn't resist. Could you if you really, really wanted to be cruel? I need ideas for a Kuwabara one, though…what the hell could put him in a bind? Maybe…finding out that Eikichi hates him? Yukina might not be bad, either…Kurama having a crush on him? Hiei? Nah, he'd kill me.**

**Laters!**

**KD**


End file.
